The Post-Funeral Void
Someone close that you love dearly has passed away. The funeral service was heartfelt and memorable. The last guests have left the wake, and you’ve motored through the clean-up. And you wake up the next day feeling the void, the loss and an overwhelming sadness. You wonder how you’ll get through this day, and the next and the many after that.
Family, friends and acquaintances will try to comfort you, but their words may hit the wrong note, providing anything but comfort. They mean well but often they are grappling with what to say, what to do, how to make it better for you. So, they stumble awkwardly through words that can grate because they have no idea what you really need.
What do you need? Even you may not know the answer to that. But here are a few ideas to consider.
You need time and maybe lots of it. Grief has no off switch that you press when you think it’s time for it to be over.
You need to allow yourself to feel it all. There will be dark days and bright days; heavy days of wanting to do nothing but stay in bed; lighter days where you might be up to some socialising; days of getting things done; and days where nothing gets done. It’s all normal and ok. Allow it to flow.
You may need to seek professional support through a qualified counsellor. There is no shame in this. A trained practitioner can suggest tools to help you through those dark, difficult times; the firsts and the situations you find particularly challenging. They are there to help and support you with tangible strategies for you to use.
You may need to call on your tribe to delegate those tasks that you need help with. Help around your home, help sorting out finances, help with childcare or the elderly parent you are supporting. Your list may be long and that’s ok. Over time it will shorten but, in the meantime, ask for the help you need.
There is no sugar-coating that the grief journey may be a long, hard road to travel. But the only way to travel it is one step at a time. One day at a time. One tear at a time. If this is you, I send you strength and courage. With heart and love.
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