When Families Want Different Things
In my work I sometimes come across families where there they have not reached agreement on the funeral service for their loved one. Even where the deceased was able to communicate their wishes for how they wanted their passing to be commemorated, this doesn’t always result in a ceremony in line with those wishes. Why? you ask.
Family members respond to the passing of their loved one in different ways. Grief can bring up feelings of shock, anger, bewilderment, and a strong sense of wanting to do things “right” and of course “right” means different things to different people. One person’s “right” might be a very low-key private cremation with a memorial gathering at a later date for some level of reflection and celebration. Another person’s “right” might be a formal funeral service with readings, prayers and speakers with a large gathering.
As a celebrant I navigate the best way forward through this difficult time. Everyone, regardless of their position on what is “right”, wants to be heard fairly and without judgement. This where I step up and listen to their voice. I take into account the myriad of difficult emotions they are feeling, and I always have in my mind that they are coming from a place of love for whom they have lost. When different sides are put forward in a respectful and considered way it’s easier to arrive at a decision that all, or at least more, are happy with.
It would be easy to tell a family “go away and sort this out” but that isn’t my style. I invest my heart and soul into my work and I want great outcomes. And if that means having the time and patience to work through such challenges then I’m in!!
As an endnote, I will clarify that in any arrangement of a ceremony the next of kin has final say with both myself and the funeral director. But it’s a trump card that I rarely resort to without first striving for an outcome that reflects the wishes of all, or most, parties.
If you feel you need help with managing your family’s funeral wishes please contact me for a no obligation chat to see how I can help you.